What Sort Of Mum Are You?

What sort of Mum are you? Do you know?

Maybe you are the mum who is mostly winging it day to day? Or the frankly, weirdly named ‘crunchy’ mum? Working mum? Career mum? Exhausted mum? Or perhaps the best of all, an ‘earth mother?’

Well ladies and gents, I’m not any of those things. I don’t know that I even have a category to label myself with. If I did it would probably be called the ‘I don’t give a f*** about your labels mum’. That could catch on, right?!

So, where is this rant coming from?

It’s coming from a baby group that I recently attended against my better judgement.

After the inevitable awkward silences, staring at the new girl and cold-shouldering that is de rigeur for such groups, I finally picked my morale off the floor and muscled my way into a conversation. Or rather Sophie bum-shuffled her way into it. She has no shame.

Anyway, I was in and the semi-polite interrogation got under way.

“What’s her name?” (Not me, I’m just the giver of life you understand) Sophie.

“How old is she?” 11 months.

“How are you feeding her?” FML – Through her MOUTH.

And then the blow from left field..

“So, what sort of Mum are you then?” Erm. Well.. Erm.. Awkward wipe of Sophie’s snotty nose to delay the inevitable. “A good one?” I ventured tentatively, feeling completely out-mummed.

With raised and patronising eyebrows, they explained that they were “crunchy” Mama’s. Presuming this didn’t mean they had gone a bit stale I ventured up the courage to ask what this meant.

Apparently a crunchy mum is someone who not only cares deeply about giving her children the best life possible but also about making sure she’s leaving the best world she possibly can for her grandchildren.

Ah. Ok then. “Me too” – I smiled feeling confident.

“But are you using cloth nappies?”

“Umm no?”

“Moon cups?!” (Do NOT even ask – I had to google it)

DEFINITLEY not.

“Then you’re not a crunchy mum” they declared, half turned their backs and mean-girled me out of the group. I felt like I’d worn a tank top two days in a row.

So is this a thing then? Are we labelling our mothering these days or have I just had a bad experience with the plastics?

Nothing gets my goat up (what the actual friggity do-dah is that expression about by the way??) more than a label. And do you know why? Because smacking a label across your open all hours chest is akin to making a big fat judgement. Those women were saying that I can’t be in their club if I don’t parent in the same way as them. I’m not GOOD enough if I’m not doing it the way that they deem to be best. And probably worst of all they were inferring that I don’t love my children as much as they love theirs because I didn’t do things the “right” way. Or their way.

If they had lowered their judgey pants for a second they would have found that actually, we both pushed a baby out of our hoo-hoo’s. That I don’t judge them for their moon cup choices, despite NEVER wanting to do it myself and that although we both love our children we also both hide in the bathroom so they can’t find us.

We are all going through exactly the same sh!t day and mostly night. And we are both mum’s who need a friendly smile, a hot cup of coffee with another semi-functioning adult and a sanity check about the state of our babies poop.

Crunchy, stale, hippie, old-school or just plain incompetent – we are all Mum’s and it’s hard enough without the label.

F

xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

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25 Comments

  1. December 29, 2016 / 9:18 pm

    I would of said I love Crunchies they are my favoriate chocolate xxx

  2. December 29, 2016 / 9:36 pm

    What on earth is a crunchy Mum? And a Moon Cup? I’m off to Google them both. Ignore them lovely, we are all doing our best to bring up our children and no one should tell you the right or wrong way. Claire x
    The Pramshed recently posted…Our trip to Sugar Beach, St LuciaMy Profile

  3. December 29, 2016 / 9:47 pm

    Oh my god I’ve heard it all now – crunchie mama PAH! Yes in Brighton I feel surrounded by Earth Mamas, who could barely conceal their delight when Emma had an awful nappy rash at 10 weeks old…”but you don’t use cloth nappies?” The only thing you can do is ignore the utter madness, you are a brilliant mum and no-one should be judging in that way xxx
    Bridie By The Sea recently posted…2016: A Year In ReviewMy Profile

  4. Julia
    December 29, 2016 / 9:49 pm

    Crunchy? Are they talking about Kellogg’s corn flakes lol? Moon cups? The opposite of sunny cups? But judgemental people ( Invluding mothers, sadly) have always existed haven’t they. Maybe they mask their own insecurities by excluding newcomers who don’t ‘fit in’, who knows.
    But it’s nonsense isn’t it! You carry on doing things your own way

  5. December 30, 2016 / 9:58 am

    This this is horrendous! I’ve never heard it sou bad! Ridiculous. Different opinions and ways of doing things is healthy….
    Argg indeed.

  6. December 30, 2016 / 3:54 pm

    Wow you need to find friendlier groups! I’ve never heard of either of these crunchy mum’s or moon cups! You’re doing great, just ignore and try find another group! Xx

  7. December 30, 2016 / 4:28 pm

    Damn straight. Can’t believe people are even still labelling themselves. I thought that was out of fashion lol!

  8. December 31, 2016 / 7:38 am

    I love the occasional use of a cloth nappy although I am definitely NOT on board with moon cups (!!) but still wouldn’t label myself in this way! So sorry to hear that you went through this. I’m lucky to have found some lovely baby groups over the past 18 months, hope you do too. Surely all we need at baby group is support and a hot cuppa, not a side order of judgement?!!

  9. December 31, 2016 / 8:58 am

    How utterly ridiculous! These women clearly have nothing better to do then come up with weird labels and push them on to other people. I’ve never heard of a crunchy mum!!! Stuff like this makes me feel so lucky that to live in a very non-judgey community in south-east London – less small-town mentality…but now Imm sounding judgey!!!!! You’re a lovely mum…that’s what counts Xx
    Hayley @ Mission: Mindfulness recently posted…The Challenge of being Present at this Time of Year.My Profile

  10. January 4, 2017 / 9:16 am

    I’m a just-about-holding-it-all-together mum, and that’s good enough for me! You sound like you’ve got it right, keep up the good work.

  11. January 4, 2017 / 5:44 pm

    They sound like right beatches. You are well clear.
    I hope that lady didn’t Google Mooncup
    As an aside I used cloth nappies with my first child but was required for complicated reasons to switch to disposables for the second. Neither is superior.

  12. January 6, 2017 / 12:39 pm

    Yeah I have heard a lot about the “crunchy mums”… experienced a few too haha. I have no idea what “kind” of mum I am either, and I like it that way!
    Emma (@MeBeeandBo) recently posted…The Need for PositivityMy Profile

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