A Letter To My Bonus Baby

Oh my baby girl. Watching you sleeping, fist curled tight around my finger, head snuggled into my chest – I just never want to let you go. It’s your bedtime and I know I should put you into your cot. The dishes need washing, I’ve a million posts to write and so much work to do yet all I want to do is hold you. Watch you. I wish I could sit here with you cradled into me for eternity.

I want to forever feel the weight of your roly poly little pudding body, nestled into mine. I could stay here with you and listen to your soft, little breaths all night. In these moments, time stands still for us. The world whizzes past but right here, in this moment, we have forgotten what time is haven’t we my darling? Right now, in this moment we can shut out the rest of the world and still be as one.

You are developing so quickly. New words, new milestones reached, one on top of the other – so much faster than I can record them. I remember them all though.

Your personality and strength are beginning to shine through each day.

It is of course a joy to watch you thrive, to watch you grow happily and healthily but how I wish I could slow down time and savour each and every second just that bit more. You are to be my last baby and how I wish you would stay new and tiny. Stay mine forever.

bonus baby

Watching your brother growing rapidly and changing into a young man, I am reminded every day that childhood disappears so fast. I wish I had held on to his more than I did. This time round with you, I’m capturing and storing snapshots in my mind of these moments, the tiny moments. The everything moments. I’m inhaling your soft, just-bathed scent and bottling it in my soul for those days when you are older, stroppier and more independent. I want to remember these milky, squishy moments.

When I look at you, my baby bear, although I love you overwhelmingly it is sometimes also fleetingly painful. It reminds me of my two babies who I will never hold. I wonder whether they would have been like you, looked like you, smelled like you. Would it have felt like this to hold their plumpy little bodies too? To nuzzle into their baldy little heads when they slept? I wonder what the world would have been like for them. I don’t want you to live in their shadows my darling and you absolutely won’t. You will be your own incredible person but tonight, right here I know I hold you just a bit tighter and for a bit longer in their memory.

You are so precious. Stay Mama’s girl for a little bit longer, Sophie baby. Stay here with me for just a few more moments. My pudding. My baby bear. My bonus baby.

Don’t be in a rush to grow up. Stay little. Stay mine.

xxx

 

 

 

 

 

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51 Comments

  1. September 1, 2016 / 9:12 pm

    Oh Fi this is beautiful and I have taken the biggest sigh after reading this because they do grow but they grow magically too and although it would be amazing to be frozen in a beautiful moment you must must must be assured that there are moments to come that you will experience that are incredible and you won’t want to miss – as hard as that may seem now and I know I’ve written posts about how quickly it goes but bottle those feelings, those emotions and keep collecting them because there will be so many more I promise xx
    justsayingmum.com recently posted…A Lesson From My DaughterMy Profile

  2. September 1, 2016 / 9:23 pm

    Beautiful post. It seems at this age they go from needing you for everything to wanting to branch out on their own! I want my girl to stay little a bit longer too!

  3. September 1, 2016 / 10:01 pm

    Well, I’m crying. I’m also going to creep into my baby’s room right now and watch her for a minute. This is beautiful xx

  4. September 1, 2016 / 10:05 pm

    This is just lovely Fi. I will hold mine a bit closer and for longer tomorrow morning because of reading this post so thank you. You are right we need to savour these moments and the cuddles. Thank you for the reminder. xx
    Mindful Mummy Mission recently posted…Being Mindful about MindsetsMy Profile

  5. Julia
    September 1, 2016 / 11:23 pm

    A very poignant letter. I imagine all mothers experience similar feelings at times. Keep writing & sharing , amumtrackmind

  6. September 2, 2016 / 12:53 am

    Lovely. I’m crying reading your beautiful words. My baby girl is my last too and I can already feel all of those little moments passing. She’s already so independent and I just want the cuddles and the tiny baby stuff back! They grow so fast.

  7. September 2, 2016 / 7:42 am

    Oh this is just beautiful! I have just sent Ol out the door with his dad to nursery with a million kisses on his head. I loved all the moments of watching him grow and now into the toddler he is becoming, so fiercely independent, but my favourite time is still bedtime when he snuggles in to sleep. Xx

    • September 3, 2016 / 9:27 am

      Stopping by again #fortheloveofblog

  8. September 3, 2016 / 8:05 am

    Beautiful post, I love it when someone else sees things the way I do; forget the dishes and jobs and enjoy the cuddles ❤️ #fortheloveofBLOG X

  9. September 3, 2016 / 8:12 am

    So beautiful . My son is 6 and the other day i saw a pic of him when he was younger and still chubby and my heart literally clenched : it’s all moving so fast ! Lovely post about your beautiful baby x #fortheloveofblog

  10. September 3, 2016 / 8:24 am

    They grow so fast it is overwhelming. My son is 9 months but as he’s walking he’s more independent. I just want to cuddle him that bit more when all he wants is to explore the world around him. Such a lovely emotional post- I think it captures what most parents feel at several points in their children’s lives #fortheloveofBLOG
    blabbermama recently posted…Fear and abandonment: The nursery tripMy Profile

  11. September 3, 2016 / 8:30 am

    Beautiful words and a beautiful photo too. Enjoy snuggle time while you can.
    #fortheloveofBlog

  12. September 3, 2016 / 8:30 am

    This brought a tear to my eye (again)! It’s beautiful. It’s scary how quickly babies grow. Each stage is exciting but also a little sad because we’ll never experience it again! #fortheloveofblog
    Claire recently posted…It’s ok…006 #mumguiltMy Profile

  13. September 3, 2016 / 8:31 am

    So beautiful and touchingand also heartbreaking. Time moves so fast, they grow and learn so quickly. It’s an amazing journey #fortheloveofblog

  14. September 3, 2016 / 8:42 am

    Oh Fi, what a beautiful, touching post. Time does indeed go quickly. #fortheloveofBLOG
    Sarah – Mum & Mor recently posted…5 MonthsMy Profile

  15. September 3, 2016 / 9:40 am

    This made me really emotional, but in a nice way. You’ve worded it so beautifully and honestly! Your little one will cherish reading this when she’s older.xx #fortheloveofBLOG thanks for hosting

  16. September 3, 2016 / 10:12 am

    I really feel a lot of this. It feels great to hold them so close and hear their tiny little breaths when sleeping. Love it.
    #fortheloveofblog

  17. September 3, 2016 / 10:55 am

    So lovely, they grow up so fast, BB is almost 5, and I’m not sure I paid as much attention those moments as I do with LP. Like you LP is my last. This is beautifully written xx #fortheloveofBLOG
    Let your light shine Mummy recently posted…The Non Camping TripMy Profile

  18. September 3, 2016 / 11:07 am

    Just beautiful. It’s goes by so quick. They are only small and squishy for a second. #fortheloveofBLOG
    Briony recently posted…Vosene KidsMy Profile

  19. September 3, 2016 / 12:36 pm

    Such a precious relationship and circumstances like yourself make me wonder how this will mould your little ones personality too. They are lovely days when they are young and unfortunately they don’t last at all so I love that you have these memories in writing #fortheloveofBLOG
    alex recently posted…Portugal – My Shy FriendMy Profile

  20. September 3, 2016 / 1:04 pm

    A beautiful post for your baby to read when she is older, I wish all this technology had been around when my babies (now 16 & 20 ) were born, I have loads of pictures luckily, but its not the same as having them on your phone and having a diary to look back on like you now have xx

  21. September 3, 2016 / 1:15 pm

    This is gorgeous and so true. It is so hard to see past the jobs to do but holding that baby is just so precious. Myself and my baby had a huge cuddles earlier. Her first full week at crèche just passed. She wanted me so knmuch every time I collected her x #fortheloveofBLOG
    fancy recently posted…While You Were SleepingMy Profile

  22. September 3, 2016 / 1:29 pm

    Have you ever heard the song Let Them Be Little? It compliments your blog beautifully.
    They grow up too fast it’s true. If only time could stand still for a short while. #fortheloveofBLOG

  23. September 3, 2016 / 1:40 pm

    I always feel guilty when I have a frustrating day and dont enjoy the kids….cause it does go by so fast. My little twins just turned two and they went from babies to little humans right fast. Twins…talk about a bonus baby! 😉

    #fortheloveofblog

  24. September 3, 2016 / 3:15 pm

    Beautiful. I still call my now 22mo pudding but he’s not as much as a pudding as he used to be…growing up way too fast. Enjoy every minute of your little pudding! #fortheloveofBLOG
    Topsy Turvy Tribe recently posted…A year ago today…SurgeryMy Profile

  25. September 3, 2016 / 4:28 pm

    They grow so fast. This week my rainbow baby girl is 7 months old. The time has flown by. I cherish every moment with her as well.
    Thanks for hosting – a lovely post. xx
    #forthe loveofBlog
    Rachel Bustin recently posted…New Mum Stories: me and b make teaMy Profile

  26. September 3, 2016 / 4:56 pm

    This totally hit my buttons today, i’m a little teary eyed. We just had a spontaneous family trip to the beach today for the first time in so long, it has really shocked to realise just how long so this is very touching to read xx #fortheloveofBLOG

  27. September 3, 2016 / 6:31 pm

    I have had an emotional few days as Harry finished nursery on Friday and begins school on Mondays , Charley starts nursery on Tuesday and im back to work in 2 weeks. Everything is changing and everyone is growing. Boo Hoo !! Just keep taking lots of photos #fortheloveofBLOG

  28. September 3, 2016 / 8:22 pm

    Gorgeous. Posts like this remind me to treasure the time I have with Piglet while I’m still the centre of his world! #fortheloveofBLOG
    OddHogg recently posted…August Round Up 2016My Profile

  29. September 3, 2016 / 8:47 pm

    Lovely post Fi and so many lovely comments. It’s a wonderful thing getting to watch our children grow and learn and we really should cherish every moment. When r wakes me up at 2 tomorrow morning I’ll hug him tight! #fortheloveofBLOG
    Karen TwoTinyHands recently posted…Happy Days #27 – Choose LifeMy Profile

  30. September 3, 2016 / 9:11 pm

    This is a very sweet post. It’s easy to get lost in the rush. Much as I may grumble about night feeds I do enjoy that extra time I get with my youngest, just me and her rocking in the rocking chair having a dream feed before gently placing her back into the cot and listening to the little snurfling noises she makes before settling.

    #fortheloveofblog

  31. September 3, 2016 / 9:55 pm

    Returning and sharing on twitter – I have thought about this post a lot after reading it for the first time a couple of days ago. You mentioned previously about being mindful – savouring moments like those cuddles is definitely mindfulness! #fortheloveofBLOG x
    Mindful Mummy Mission recently posted…Being Mindful about MindsetsMy Profile

  32. September 3, 2016 / 11:51 pm

    Oh Fi, what a touching and poignant post. So personal in fact that I feel like I’m listening in on something that’s just for your beautiful baby girl to hear. Very special.

    I’m all too aware of how fast they grow. I just want to cherish every stage.

    Thanks for sharing such precious thoughts. #fortheloveofblog
    Jane Taylor maflingo recently posted…The ‘real’ Jane Taylor revealed: 25 shocking facts about me.My Profile

  33. September 4, 2016 / 7:43 am

    Treasure these little moments. My favourite time is to watch my children sleeping, even though they are older now, they are still my little babies. #fortheloveofBlog

  34. September 4, 2016 / 6:19 pm

    That’s really lovely. It made me a little emotional to read and had reminded me to put my phone down and play with my two before bed time, like you say they won’t be little for long. Xx #fortheloveofblog
    Tammymum recently posted…You at twoMy Profile

  35. September 4, 2016 / 9:48 pm

    Hubster is wondering why I’m tearing up whilst reading ‘another blog post’! Such gorgeous words. One minute you’re putting them in the car seat for their first trip home and the next they’re walking and talking. That is the pain of motherhood I guess. X #fortheloveofBLOG

  36. September 5, 2016 / 2:56 pm

    very cute. sometimes I’ll see a very little one now and its almost a shock. You almost forget how small and fragile they start out #bloggingoodtime
    jeremy@thirstydaddy recently posted…We ( I ) SurvivedMy Profile

  37. September 5, 2016 / 3:19 pm

    What a lovely post. I held a baby for the first time since little man was a baby recently and I forgot how small he used to be! I wish I could bottle up a little bit more of the baby times #fortheloveofBLOG
    Busy Working Mummy recently posted…It isn’t good luck, it is good judgmentMy Profile

  38. September 6, 2016 / 8:25 am

    This is so lovely. We’re always in such a rush to get stuff done and for our kids to achieve the next ‘milestone’. Sometimes it’s nice to be reminded to cherish the quiet moments too. #fortheloveofblog
    Suzanne recently posted…Sisterhood of the World Bloggers – Q&A TagMy Profile

  39. September 10, 2016 / 6:56 am

    Oh I know just how you feel and mine is now three and completely developing a mind of her own. It does go very fast and it’s so important to try and savour every moment. Such beautiful words and sentiments, I love the idea of Sophie reading this when she is older!

    #fortheloveofBLOG
    Siena Says recently posted…WHY Does Summer Have To End?My Profile

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