Let’s Talk About Sex

Let’s talk about sex and how often we are actually getting it.

Only kidding! If that was the topic it would probably be the world’s shortest post…

But I do genuinely want to talk about the awkwardness of having THAT talk with your kids. At an appropriate age of course. Which is probably about seven in these precocious days.

One of my kids is at just such an age and the awkwardness of having THAT conversation *shudders* is making me not want to be an adult anymore.

I can’t do adult with my pre-teen. Nobody warned me about this when I brought my little bundle home from the hospital after all.

Can you cope with sleepless nights? Check! Dirty nappies? Check! Threenager style meltdowns? Bum-shuffling world domination? Check – check!

Ability to use the words “vagina”, “penis”, “ejaculation” and “sperm” without breaking out in hives and/or giggles? Errr no.

Let's talk about sex and the awkwardness of having THAT conversation with a pre-teen

In fact, the word *whispers it* vagina makes me want to run and hide my face. So much so that apparently I christened it “rudey” as a child and in all honesty I haven’t progressed much further since. And please, do not get me started on “ejaculation”. Ugh. Just no.

So as you can imagine, dealing with the question “where do babies come from?” wasn’t a conversation I was much looking forward to.

Surely, surely I am not the only parent who feels this way?? You can’t all be grown up, mature and sitting down to sensibly discuss the birds and the bees right?!

Well, I needn’t have worried. One look at my puce with shame face, anxious avoidance of eye contact and seeming new found interest in my fingernails, my lovely boy helped me out.

“Mum it’s called a vagina. And men put their penis inside them to make babies with their sperm. And sperm eat up the inside of your belly and grow big and fat and that is how you made Sophie. Then you have to push the great big sperm baby out of your bottom with a great big poo. SO gross!”

Ah. Right.

Well, thank f*** for that. Now I don’t have to use the v-word after all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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7 Comments

  1. January 3, 2017 / 11:38 pm

    This post is hilarious! Kids know far more than we give them credit for thanks to the playground! I teach Health Studies (amongst other things) at an all-boys school. I have no level of embarrassment left. Haha.
    Laura recently posted…Philosophy Series: SocratesMy Profile

  2. January 4, 2017 / 9:58 am

    OMG I love this as a mum of 3 girls (the older 2 being 17 & 12) I have had ‘the talk’ and watched the school sex ed video a couple of times already and it really doesn’t get any easier – if anything I think it gets harder but I have found that using the correct terminology for our body parts from an early age makes using those words easier and more natural (we still say willy etc too)
    Becky sparklymummy recently posted…Inspired Colouring ChristmasMy Profile

  3. January 4, 2017 / 9:58 am

    OMG I love this as a mum of 3 girls (the older 2 being 17 & 12) I have had ‘the talk’ and watched the school sex ed video a couple of times already and it really doesn’t get any easier – if anything I think it gets harder but I have found that using the correct terminology for our body parts from an early age makes using those words easier and more natural (we still say willy etc too)
    Becky sparklymummy recently posted…Inspired Colouring ChristmasMy Profile

  4. January 4, 2017 / 10:23 pm

    This post was what I needed for a laugh tonight! Really tickled me!

  5. Julia
    January 6, 2017 / 11:37 am

    Hilarious! Of course kids seem to know such a lot very ( Too?) early nowadays don’t they…

  6. January 6, 2017 / 10:56 pm

    Ha! I remember my nan giving me ‘the talk’ when I was around 14. She stood by the kitchen door, hands on hips and bluntly said “You know how babies are made, right?” “Yeah, of course” “Thought so. That’s good” And then left the room. That was it. Nothing more, nothing less.

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