Dear stay at home Mum,
This is a letter that’s been roaming around in my head for a while and I just want to get it out of my system once and for all.
Recently, I wrote a post about how being a working mother makes me a better mother. When I wrote said post, it was clear in my head that I meant that working makes ME a better mother. Obviously it didn’t read that way for some of you.
I’m, quite frankly a bit of a shit stay at home mother. I get cabin fever, I feel unfulfilled and I get very demotivated and dare I say it, a bit depressed. I’d love to be great at it, to be more giving, more selfless, maybe even a bit more of a Pinterest mum!! However, I’m not that person and I’ve made my peace with it.
As you might expect, after writing what was considered a controversial post, I came under a fair bit of criticism. There were several stay at home mum’s who felt I was belittling their lifestyle and choices. One even went so far as to say I made them feel really down about themselves.
I’m pretty thick skinned (think rhino hide) but those comments stung. Clearly the sentiment that I thought I was writing with was touching a raw nerve in some of you. I hate that I made anyone feel bad about themselves because honestly that’s not who I am.
Opinionated? Yes but mean? I hope not.
I hate the divide that women place upon themselves over how and when they look after their children. I honestly don’t really understand it. I’m happy with my choices and opinions but I never think less of someone who doesn’t share them. Variety is the spice of life and we all are different.
So to set the record straight, I don’t think working mothers are better than you and I don’t think if you stay at home with your kids then you are any better a mother than me. My choice isn’t better or worse than yours. It’s just my choice, my point of view and the angle that I write from.
Motherhood is full of contradictions and heightened emotions and for this reason, it seems to be endlessly divisive. The truth is that I have been both stay at home mother and working mother and my only opinion is that I personally, prefer to work. It makes ME a better mother. That should not touch a raw nerve with you if you feel differently.
I have many friends who are stay at home mothers. I have many friends who are working mothers. Some make the choice. Some have no choice. It’s difficult any which way you mother the little buggers and that’s the reality. We all have good and bad days and we are all just doing what we can to wing it through the sleep deprivation, tantrums and all consuming love.
This blog is not and never will be written from the point of view of a stay at home Mum because I am not one. It does not mean I don’t respect you if that’s your way of mothering.
If you do choose to visit my blog (and I hope you will) and you don’t like or relate to what I’m saying in a given post, then before you feel personally attacked, I want you to refer back to this letter. I want you to remember that a different opinion is not the same thing as a disrespectful opinion.
We are all mothers. No better or worse. Just mothers doing the best we can.
Yours as ever,