It’s New Year’s Eve folks!
Bribe a babysitter with money, Netflix, alcohol or the contents of your purse. Throw on your glad rags and step out into the glittery lights to enjoy dinner and drinks with your alternative half. You will have the most fantastic night and see in the New Year with a big old, glittery, tipsy, smooch to the tunes of Auld Lang Syne.
And that is exactly why I hate New Year’s Eve. Okay, HATE might be a tad strong but I’m less than keen.
I think it’s the pressure to have a perfect night that puts me off. The other 364 nights of the year, I’m more than happy to have a crap night in. It’s about expectations. And lowering them.
Ten Reasons New Year’s Eve Sucks For Mum’s
- You have to stay at home because neither love, sex, money or bribery is getting anyone to come and look after your kids on such an important evening. Not even Grandma and Grandad. They had their child rearing New Year’s Eve’s and aren’t planning on revisiting them thank you very much.
- You therefore will be in your now slightly manky, new-from Christmas pj’s and not your glad rags as once hoped. And you probably still haven’t shaved your legs. All the glamour.
- Your other half WILL expect you to stay up until after midnight and watch sh!tty action films with him when what you really want is to cry with Miranda in the SATC movie because she is alone on NYE. And then wish you were alone too because your partner is making sarcastic comments about sh!tty chick flicks and too many shoes.
- Even if you are lucky enough to watch SATC in peace, you won’t be able to for long because someone has told your kids that it’s New Year’s Eve and they think this gives them a hall pass to stay up until midnight too. Watching Samantha getting laid isn’t quite the entertainment they had in mind.
- Your baby will wake repeatedly because your dogs will bark repeatedly because your neighbour’s keep setting off their F**KING fireworks as though it’s New Year’s Eve.
- Somebody somewhere will vomit on your new carpet because of too much sugar/fizzy pop that DADDY said was ok to have because it’s New Year’s Eve. Guess who’s cleaning that up to the tunes of “I can never do anything right can I?” Martyr.
- You will fall asleep before midnight because you have been up with your mini sleep thief for, well, the whole year and you have also had a glass of
vodkawine. The kids may or may not take it upon themselves to draw on your face at this point. With permanent marker. The well-rested DADDY said it was ok because he was actually reading BBC Sport on his phone again.
- Monopoly and or a deck of cards will be produced at some point during the very, very long countdown to midnight. Enough said about that. It’s not the 1950’s.
- The clock will strike midnight just in time for you to watch everyone in London having SO.MUCH.FUN without you. And then you will realise that the kids, dogs and DADDY are all snoring away on the sofa. So you got to be alone anyway.
- Daddy will wake after much poking and “Happy New Year-ing” from you to help you put the kids to bed. Then he will probably want to get laid. And you didn’t shave your legs. Also, have a think about your goals for next September. The labour wards are mighty busy in September – that’s all I’m saying.
However you are celebrating tonight, crap or otherwise, remember that tomorrow is not only a new day but a new year and a fresh start.
Happy New Year you lovely lot!