What sort of mother did you think you’d be?

What sort of mother did you think you’d be? It has just occurred to me that I’m not the sort of mother that I thought I would be. What I mean is, I had this idea or vision of the type of mother I was going to be when I was ‘all grown up’. It just never really happened and I’m thirty – so when is it going to happen?!

I thought I’d be super organised, in control of the whole family (in a non-dictator like fashion), the heart of the home, the person that glued us all together and generally just knew everything and had her shit together. I thought I’d know things like how to get poo out of the carpet (thanks Sophie) or how to sew Zak’s Scouting badges on to his uniform without them looking like the dog did it with his paws. I thought I’d be the mum who lovingly baked and decorated each and every one of their children’s birthday cakes (I’ve never done even one) and who could take a tin of corned beef and whip up something edible for dinner. Because mothers just know this stuff right?! Not me though. I don’t even know whats for dinner and Im yet to buy corned anything.

I’m not sure what I’m measuring myself against here – maybe it’s my own brilliant mum who raised six functioning (just) people, or maybe a mother-in-law type figure who seems to be able to simultaneously keep a clean and organised home, look after numerous grandchildren and a husband without so much as breaking a sweat. Seriously, I’ve never seen so much as a speck of dust in either of their homes.

But how?!

what sort of mother did you think you'd be?

If I asked my Mum I know she’d say that it was hard work, that she just never sat down or had a single second to herself. And that they just didn’t work back then whilst their children were young. Ok, fair enough. But what about this then….Shaun told me that his grandmother raised five (I think) kids back in an era where anything domestic or child-related was a woman’s job. She also had an actual job for which she had to walk FIVE miles each way, each day. What the AF. I drive ten minutes to work and still complain so how did she do it?! This by the way, is the woman who I’m told also was a master baker (think Mary Berry) and ran a spotless home. I’m in awe – seriously. I wish I could have met her to ask her the same question we are all thinking – how did you do it?

Because surely there was a magic trick or something that these amazing women all know (and have yet to pass on to me). Or…as I suspect, am I just a little bit lazy? Winging it is a given – no woman gives birth and then knows exactly how to be an amazing mum. So I’m guessing we all just learn this as we go – but what about the domestic / organised / corned beef side of life? Why do I find it all so overwhelming and difficult?

On the flip side, I also thought that I’d be quite a detached mum. I thought I’d be ok with running an amazing career alongside a family (and a spotless home natch). That I’d encourage my children to be as independent as possible as quickly as possible. Only the opposite  has turned out to be true. This time round in particular I’d say I’ve gone a bit “earth mothery” if that’s even a thing. I’m particularly clingy, I like being with my children and I positively HATE handing them over to other people. If I could have worn Sophie in a papoose for the first two years then I would have. She has had other ideas obviously because children never do what we want hey.

I have no idea where I am even going with this other than to wonder whether I’m alone in this – are you the kind of mother you thought you would be? Are you an organised mum? The sort of person who runs a spotless home and knows whats for tea every night? If so give me all your tips pronto otherwise I’m very much afraid that I might never be the mother I thought I’d be.





1 Comment

  1. Julia
    October 6, 2017 / 16:32

    You are a great mother
    I never imagined I’d ever want children at all until hormones kicked in after an unexpected early miscarriage. I didn’t grieve as I hadn’t known I was even pregnant, but the broodiness started & I had my first baby at 23 & my last at 35, 6 in all! I loved being pregnant & having children ( Most of the time!) but the sheer hard work involved was relentless. While pregnant with my 3rd I ran away ( Only to park!) but returned after a couple of hours, tearful & remorseful, to find husband & 2 little boys were happy as Larry & & hadn’t missed me!
    I guess I’m trying to say I hope I was a ‘good enough’ mother, I tried my best, but made many mistakes that with hindsight ( Ha!) I wouldn’t repeat today. But today’s mothers have it very hard as everyone seems to expect perfection on all fronts, & life just isn’t like that, is it. I’m so glad I have my 6 adult offspring & without them I wouldn’t have the joy of my adorable grandchildren!

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